


but i love him (and cigarettes) so much

by BlazeScissir



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bilingual Billy Hargrove, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gay Billy Hargrove, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Puerto Rican Billy Hargrove, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 03:37:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19287340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazeScissir/pseuds/BlazeScissir
Summary: Billy Hargrove is the tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed Californian boy most think of when they picture the sunny state. Most girls enjoy flocking to this picture perfect beach boy and part-time lifeguard, but, unfortunately for them, he doesn't swing that way. For the last year, Billy has been seeing his boyfriend in secret. When Neil finds out about his son's secret relationship, he packs the family up and moves them to the small town of Hawkins, Indiana.





	but i love him (and cigarettes) so much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title inspired by "Her & Cigarettes" by Cheap Girls  
> For the beginning section of the chapter, the italics represent a journal entry of Billy's from days prior to the beginning of the story, while the normal text signifies the present day.

_To whom it may concern,_

_It's a sunny day in California, but when isn't it?  He and I decided to take a walk along the beach and enjoy the sun as best we could without the hot sand burning our toes. Being beside Him has always made me feel safe. Sometimes I worry our relationship is too good to be true, although maybe I'm letting my anxieties get the best of me._

Billy was thrown against the wall by his father. At this point, the ringing in Billy's ears and the pounding in his head made it difficult to hear whatever slurs his father threw his way. Billy was limp in Neil's arms, not putting up much of a fight (he tired of that fifteen to twenty fights ago). He had seen his younger sister Max scamper past them at some point. He wondered if she would get this kind of treatment when he went off to college. 

"Do you fucking understand?" Neil spat in Billy's face. 

Billy's head was still spinning, but he responded as any son would. "Yes."

"Yes,  _what?"_

_"Yes, Sir."_ Billy managed to mumble out before Neil let go of him and dropped him to the floor.

_There's this little spot towards a more abandoned area of the beach. Most of the teenage "lowlifes" hang around there at night since their chances of getting caught are lower. It's a rocky spot where the waves always seem to be rougher, and the air feels colder. He and I visit there a lot so we can spend time together without any prying eyes, I'm still overly conscious about my father finding out._

As Billy sat on the ground, mildly coherent, he could make out the basics of what Neil was barking about to Susan. Neil had been wanting to move for a while, always complaining about the "flowery faggots" he saw walking the streets on his way to work. Susan never really commented on the blatant homophobia, but she did support the idea of a move. She said the house always felt much too empty to her, and she wasn't a fan of the sun.

After that point, Billy moved himself to his room where he could lie down and let him slip into unconsciousness without worrying about what would happen next.

_Something about Him always makes me feel more at ease. I've felt less pissed off lately in general, and it still surprises me that anyone could make me feel that way. I know why I feel like this, I went to therapy and shit, but nothing has helped me more than He has. Sometimes I can see myself actually healing from what happened._

Several hours later Billy had woken up. Susan was coming into his room and had a guilty smile spread across her face. She took a seat at the desk chair across from Billy's bed. He sat up and stared at her blankly as she shifted around nervously.

"We've agreed to move, William," she said softly, "Your father and I have agreed that letting you wander around in such big cities just... isn't safe."

Billy didn't mind the idea of moving. Moving to a smaller neighborhood could be enjoyable. He could finally drive his car around without wasting so much gas sitting in traffic. 

"So where are we going?" He asked, sounding relatively hoarse.

"We were thinking maybe... out of California?" Her hesitant tone signaled that she wanted his approval.

Billy already felt sick to his stomach at the idea. He had friends here who were practically family, he had his boyfriend, hell his mother's  _grave_ was here. 

He bit back a snappy and bitter response, "That didn't answer my question.

She smiled again, trying to avoid cracking under the pressure of her stepson's glare, "Hawkins, Indiana, or a town close to it. See my grandparents lived there, it was a really nice place to visit during the winter!"

Billy could feel his heart drop to his toes at the mear thought of being landlocked, miles and miles away from the ones he loved. Moving to a new school in his Senior year no less. This information was worse than a literal kick in the teeth.

_At times I've wondered if the two of us could live together once we go to college. I know Neil and Susan may not have enough money to put me through those big expensive as hell colleges, but maybe a small college in a small city in Cali could work. I just want to stay here with Him. He's made my life so much better, and I want to help Him the way he helped me._

**\-- 2 Months Later--**

The moving went by fast, Susan was right, they didn't have much shit in their house. Soon enough their most precious items were stuffed into two cars and a moving van. Between the moving day announcement and now, Billy was banned from seeing any of his friends. The only time he left the house was to drive Maxine around and maybe complete some chores outside for Susan. Billy felt like a caged animal and prayed that when he got to his new hell hole in Hawkins that he'd at least be granted some more freedom.

On the bright side, Billy was allowed to drive by himself to Hawkins. He was happy for that, because with Maxine, Neil, or Susan in his passenger seat for several hours he didn't know if he would make it without purposely crashing the car. The blast of his obnoxiously loud music was enough to drown out the crippling anxiety and aggression that had begun bubbling up in him again. He thought that most of it had gone since the news and now, but he felt infuriated.

Trying to calm his nerves, he lit a cigarette and took a long drag of it before dangling his hand out the window with the cigarette hanging from his fingers. Billy had cut down on smoking in the last year because of his now ex-boyfriend had disliked the taste of Billy after he smoked. Despite that, Neil still often bought Billy smokes as a possible peace offering after fights. Because of this, Billy had quite a large stash of them. At times he would sell them to the greedy freshmen and sophomores who wanted to fit in with their older peers, but other than that he held onto them.

As he drove he banged out the rhythms to some of his favorite songs on his steering wheel and blew through maybe 5 smokes before they reached the hotel they had decided to stay the night at. Billy parked next to the moving truck and Neil's car before heading into the hotel and heading to the bathroom. Even though Billy was a recklessly fast driver he didn't want to spend more time than he had to with his family. When he got into the bathroom he pissed, washed his hands, and called Maxine to direct him to their room and let him in.

Soon enough Billy stepped into the room where Maxine was sat on the bed, still flicking through the lackluster TV shows that the hotel provided.

"Neil and Mom are down at the bar," she mumbled without ever being asked.

"I assumed so, Neil probably wants to blow his brains out after driving for so damn long," he stated before flopping on his back on the bed adjacent to Maxine.

"You reek of cigarettes, you should take a shower and change your clothes," Max said defensively. Max and Billy never really got along, but she hated seeing Neil kick the shit out of Billy after he had been out for too long. 

Billy rubbed his face and groaned, "I didn't bring any extra clothes, but you're right I should shower," he muttered as he kicked off his shoes and pulled himself into the bathroom. 

**\--Several Days Later--**

After the move was complete, Billy still wasn't allowed to go out on his own and survey the town. It's not like it really mattered to him at this point. The school year was going to begin soon, and he didn't know the town well enough yet to know which places were the "hot spots" for rebellious teens, or what backroads the cops carefully surveyed to make sure no one was fucking around.

Billy had no problem setting up his room and his new weight set that Neil had got him, hoping to avoid expensive gym fees in town. The new weights honestly were the best part of the move in Billy's mind. He was able to lose himself in the sore and aching feelings of his muscles, and Neil even allowed him to drink and smoke in the house. Neil was a jack ass, but he would do plenty of things to keep Billy quiet. Neil knew he wouldn't have to pick up his son from the slammer for drinking and partying if the drinking was happening in his own house.

Billy's days until school started felt roughly the same. Wake up, heat up whatever leftovers were in the fridge, drive Maxine to-and-from places, workout, drink, workout, smoke, workout, shower, sleep, and then get up in time to help with dinner, clean up, and sleep again.

The routine soon ended when his first day of senior year hit him like a freight train. He almost didn't believe it when he woke up to the sound of Neil slamming on his door reminding him of what was in store for him today. Billy dragged himself out of bed and prepared for whatever nonsense the hicks in this town might throw his way. He dragged Max out the door and soon they were on their way to the conjoined Hawkins Middle and High School.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is my second real attempt at writing a fanficiton here, so any and all advice would be appreciated!  
> I've never attempted to write something at this length, but I've had the story in mind for so long that I just can't help the excitement I feel about finally putting it to paper!  
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
